Curiously enough, the only thing that went through

3:08pm: meow
OK. Something has been really really bothering me lately. Guys. Especially stupid ones. They seem to have this patter.

I become friends with a guy, and then they decide to kind of want to date me, but then I dont date them because Id rather be friends or because I have a boyfriend. So then eventually they get a girlfriend and somehow decide that it is now appropriate to ignore me completely! WTF. Like totally ignore. I'll comment on their facebook or something and they just totally pretend I didnt and I know it isnt because they dont check or use facebook because they comment on other people's facebook etc. UGH its not a big deal but it is just SUPER annoying and I just want to be like hey stop being a jerk. anyway.

also, law school sucks.

4:43pm: On things that leave you in a black hole. whole.
So here's the thing. I have only one more assignment to do for college. I have one paper, and its easy. There are plenty of topics that I could write on. And its a philosophy paper so, piece of cake. I think I've written somewhere around 40 of them in the past 4 years. But I just cant bring myself to start it. And I dont really know why. Its not something I think Im going to have trouble with, or even that its going to take a long time. I just....cant start it. Its like I kind of dont want the year to be over. I mean, I DO. I REALLY DO. But theres a part of me that is still holding on to my occidental existence. Ugh. I dont know.

Maybe its because I dont know what comes after this. Law school, obvs. But its just strange to not have another semester of undetgrad awaiting me. Kind of scary. Im moving into a real condo with andrew, and having to live more in the real world. Which, dont get me wrong, I am actually REALLY stoked about. I cant wait to cook for myself etc. Its just still weird.

Once I write this paper I step out of being a student at oxy and into the black void of nothingness. And some part of me thinks that this should be a REALLY good paper since its my last. Which is silly because its for a 200 level class and isnt half as interesting as some of the other papers I've written. Anyhooo. It isnt like me to be weirded out by this. Hm.

9:05pm: haha wtf

see more pwn and owned pictures

7:41pm: I think my fish, Humphrey Boggart, is dying. He is loosing his beautiful scarlet coloring and there are some pieces of skin peeling away on his back. And I'm really sad. Like, I feel like crying. Which is silly, right? I mean, he's a fish. I just...dont want to have to watch him die...its so sad. Poor humphrey. I've had him for about a year, which is a long time, i think, for a beta.

Yeah. :(

4:39pm: on things that take you by utter suprize, even though you're the one who decided them.
So I never thought I would hear myself saying this but, if I dont hear back good things from UCLA, UCS, and UCI then I will be attentding Pepperdine law school next fall. Isnt that freaking crazy. I guess it just shows how important it is to go and look at the campuses before you decide. I went to Loyola to visit and tour and I just didnt get that great of a feeling about it, I didnt like the campus very much, and the people just didnt seem that smart, to be quite frank. I left feeling that I could go there and be ok, but not feeling that I really WANTED to go there. Then that same week I went and visited pepperdine. First of all the campus is GORGEOUS. but that isnt why I liked it so much. The people just seemed to be a different level, smarter, nicer, better. I got a great vibe from the whole place.

I asked a bunch of questions, even to the campus democrats society, and was assured that not being conserative and christian would not be a problem either in classes or socially. They even said that when they had the debates on prop 8, the student body was pretty much split down the middle on the issue. And they have the number 1, even above harvard, dispute resolution program in the country. so thats kind of cool because that might be something that Id be interested in going into.

also pepperdine's faculty has been rated number 1 for 3 years now by the princeton review for having the most accesible faculty. the students we talked to kept emphasizing how supportive, nurturing, and helpful all the professors were.

so yeah. its weird. and im still a little nervous about the whole conservative/christian thing. but im also excited to know that I will still be happy with where I am going, even if I dont get into those other schools. yup. its crazy how different things turn out sometimes.

meow

6:46pm: on things that make you think back to the old days
"How did it get so late so soon?
Its night before its afternoon.
December is here before its June.
My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon?"
-Dr. Suess

Its crazy how fast college went by and how fast I got older. We are all older. I have friends getting married, I'm going to law school, by boyfriend has a actual well paying job in the business world. When did we become adults? I still feel like Im a kid. I think of adults as people who are like 45. But when I was 12 I thought of people our age as adults. You know, I dont think I will ever fully think of myself like that. Its impossible. I'll never feel any specific age, I'll just feel like me.

And the crazy part is that time will just keep moving faster and all of a suden we'll be 25 then 30, settling down, having kids, being responsible. I think leaving college is the real step though. After college you really are in the real world, even, to some extent, if you're still going to grad school. People aren't there to look after you and treat you like you need to be kept in line etc. And we all want that type of freedom, we all think we dont want people treating us like that. But at the same time, its a constant show of people caring about your welfare. After college we'll be a lot more on our own. And I think that most of us will miss that feeling of being looked after more than we think we will. And I dont mean that in a depressing way, its just strange.

Ah. Anyways. I need to start feeling every second of life more. I dont want to all of a sudden be 30 and be like huh? how did this happen. I think that feeling is unavoidable though. Alas. Alack. Anon.

1:46pm: ughhh
So I heard back from Loyola today. And I got in, so I suppose I shouldnt be annoyed but I was really really hoping that they would offer me a scholarship like the other two. Because if I dont get into UCLA (which I probably won't) they I'd like to go to Loyola, not pepperdine. But if I am getting $23,000 a year from Pepperdine and zilch from Loyola, what choice do I really have? I just cant afford to go to a law school that offers me no money, unless its not a private school (UCLA). I mean there is still fafsa, which will hopefully give me something, but no matter what they give me, unless loyola gives me SOMETHING for scholarship, I wont be able to go there. And people say that its a good bargaining chip to have money from one school to get money from the other but how exactly do you go about doing that? Do I just call up Loyola haha? Gar.

This is stupid. Maybe all the Harvardy-stats types will decide not to go to Loyola and then Loyola will give their scholarship money to me. Boo.

3:13pm: funsies
The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me!

my choice. for you. this offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
- what I create will be just for you.
- it'll be done this year. no guarantees when, it will be a total surprise!
- you have no clue what it's going to be. it may be poetry. I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. maybe a beanie. who knows? not you, that's for sure!
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

the catch? oh, the catch is that you have to repost this, and repost right away. we can all make stuff and make someone's day a little bit brighter!

11:14pm: on things that have a specific expiration date
meow meow meow andrew is back in northern california and i am sad :(

however, these things need to happen before I go back to school in two weeks:

start legit exercizing (i never remember how to spell that..), like 5 times a week

read: shadow of the giant, ender in exile, tales of beedle the bard, stop in the name of pants

make a dentist appt for cleeeeean teeth and hopefully no more cavaties

go to the dr. and get blood drawn because apparently they start checking cholesterol levels early now

get all my law application stuff straightened out and sent in, damnit (stupid lsac)

actually mail the thing im mailing to ms rosalie.

meeeeeeeeoooooooooooow i want it to be two weeks from nowwww

5:06pm: "You can be as mad as a dog at the ways things went, you can swear and curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go."

4:10pm: on things that are maybe a little bit helpful to important future events
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay for getting a 4.0 this semester!! it might give me a tiny bit more of a chance of getting into a good law school.:/

10:04pm: for all you ender's game fan
http://xkcd.com/241/

5:42pm: on things that are so ridiculous you want to scream "supercalifragilisticexpialidotious"
Sometimes I feel like my head is absolutely going to explode. My lsats are in 5 days, and they are the most important test i have ever taken up to this point in my life. basically, since theatre fucked my grades, i have to do REALLY well on the lsats to get into the schools that I want to go to. i wrote 22 pages total over thanksgiving break. and talked to one of my best friends, WHO IS GETTING MARRIED IN MARCH. gah crazy. so basically Im going crazy until like dec 12 or so. at that point all my law apps will be in and I can relax. maybe. except that im taking these two classes next semester and now im pretty sure the teacher who teaches both doesnt like me. so thats something. i might switch out. who knows. blah.

8:55pm: I simply do not understand the twilight craze. it sounds kind of dumb. what exactly is so fantastic?

11:02pm: This is a really good expression from Keith Olbermann on msnbc about why prop 8 is wrong.

11:00pm: on things that i celebrated at the most liberal college in the nation.
hot damn, america, hot damn

11:44pm: I know that this all is really not the end of the world. And that people have it so very much worse than I do. But I still cant help feeling totally lost and discouraged. I just cannot seem to get the stupid games section on the lsat. it just wont click. this wouldnt matter so much if it werent for the fact that a high lsat score (at least 170) is going to be the only thing which gives me even the tiniest of chances of getting into a good law school. because of theatre, i have a 3.4 gpa. which is bad. its really bad. if i took away all my theatre classes, i could have a 3.7, if i added other academic classes as assumed i did as well in them as i have my other academic classes, i would have a 3.8. thank you theatre, for royally fucking my life. jesus. that is a.4 difference. if i had a 3.8 i could get into ucla without having the best lsat score of the century. fuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkk.

10:12pm: on things that are quite political.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh election. there are so many interesting things being decided this time around.

1. if mccain gets elected im moving to switzerland, not simply because he is in office, more so because i cannot bear to live in a country where the majority of voters voted that team into office. unbearable.

2. WHY DO PEOPLE INSIST ON TAKING PEOPLES RIGHTS AWAY??? There has never been an amendment to the constitution taking away rights, only giving people more. The proposition literally says "this proposition will take away the rights of..." how did this even get on the ballot??!? gah. i wont say more because i dont want to preach but sirisuly people, this goes against everything america stands for (just check out the 1st and 8th amendments).

3. oh my i hope prop 2 passes. we treat animals so unacceptably, it makes me very sad.


on the presidential matter, i really hope not only that obama wins but by more than a slim margin, it would be good for this country to have a president that the big majority of people voted for.

4:23pm: such a sad song
The Last Leviathan

My soul has been torn from me and I am bleeding
My heart it has been rent and I am crying
For the beauty around me pales and I am screaming
I am the last of the Great Whales and I am dying.

Last night I heard the cry of my last companion
The roar of the harpoon gun, then I was alone
I reflected on days gone by when we were thousands
For I know I soon must die the last leviathan.

This morning the sun did rise crimson in the north sky
The ice was the colour of blood and the wind did sigh
I rose to take a breath it was my last one
From the gun came the roar of death and now I am gone

And e'er since time began we have been haunted
Through the oceans that were our home we have been hunted
From Eskimos in canoes to mighty whalers
Still you ignored our plea none came to save us

Now that we're no more, there's no more hunting
The big feller is now gone there's no use lamenting
What race is next in line all for the slaughter?
The elephant or the seal or your sons and daughters?

WORDS AND MUSIC - Andy Barnes AUGUST 1883

9:28pm: hm. sometimes i scare me.

10:45pm: On things that i think is on purpose, with incorrect grammar
So basically I think whoever invented the lsat did it ON PURPOSE TO SUCK EVERY LAST DROP OF LIFE OUT OF ME. yes. i hate stupid lsat problems and my stupid teacher who doesnt ever call on me, EVEN WHEN MY HAND IS UP AND NO ONE ELSE'S IS. WTF MAN. anyways. who cares what birds can and cannot bein the forest together? NOT I.

1:07pm: on things that leave my arm in poor shape.
so two nights ago i accidentally melted part of my left forarm off with a water boiler. like. actually melted part of it off. i was boiling ramen with andrews water boiler and i had to set it on the edge of my desk, by my lap top, because that is the farthest the cord reaches. so i was waiting for the ramen to cook and then i started to type on my laptop and then all of a sudden something was like OW painful and i pull my arm away in time to look down and see a portion my flesh melting away (aparently i had moved my arm slightly over the area where the steam comes out). so i had to peel off the melting skin and then there was a new layer of skin underneath, which I put a band aid on. it was terrifying.

11:39am: Come with me.

We took a back road.
We're gonna look at the stars.
We took a backroad in my car.
Down to the ocean,
it�s only water and sand
And in the ocean we'll hold hands.

But I don't really like you, apologetically dressed in the best, but on a heartbeat glide.

Without an answer, the thunder speaks for the sky, and on the cold, wet dirt I cry.
And on the cold, wet dirt I cry.

Don�t you wanna come with me? Don�t you wanna feel my bones
on your bones?
It's only natural.

A cinematic vision ensued
like the holiest dream.
It's someone's calling?
An angel whispers my name,
but the message relayed is the same:
�Wait till tomorrow,
you'll be fine."
But it's gone to the dogs in my mind.
I always hear them
when the dead of night
comes calling to save me from this fight.
But they can never wrong this right.

Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones
on your bones?
It's only natural.
Don�t you wanna swim with me? Don�t you wanna feel my skin
on your skin?
It's only natural.

(Never had a lover)
I never had a lover
(Never had soul)
I never had soul
(Never had a good time)
And I never had a good time
(Never got cold)
I never got gold.

Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones
on your bones?
It's only natural.
Don't you wanna swim with me? Don't you wanna feel my skin
on your skin?
It's only natural.
Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones
on your bones?
It�s only natural.
Come and take a swim with me. Don't you wanna feel my skin
on your skin?
It�s only natural

3:56pm: On things that relate to Oxy people
Oxy goers, or people in the area. Tonight the Oxy Quidditch team is presenting a showing of HP Rifftrax. What is that, you might ask? Well, it is the same people who did MST3k, but this time they are doing commentary over the first HP movie. It is amazing and hilarious and you should come. It is tonight at 8PM in FOWLER 302. yaaaaaaaay come. We made amazing HP themed sweets and everything.

9:45pm: the sarah palin disney movie preview
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reRTXJSyTjo&eurl=http://7.gmodules.com/ig/ifr?url=http://www.google.com/ig/modules/youtube_videos.xml&nocache=0&up_prefs_version

this ^ is probably the best thing i've ever seen. also possibly the worst, because its so true.